It was 2 in the morning, and there i was keepin my brain occupied with funny numbers, formulae and ideas with JAMES DOUGLAS MORRISON humming alongside when all of a sudden a question slaps my consious. WHY?
It was a plain and simple "WHY' with neither a suffix nor a prefix. A "WHY" which had the key to a lot of unanswered questions. A "WHY" tucked n locked away deep beneath my subjective and retrospective thoughts, that decides to pop up at the most unlikely of timings.
There i was sitting staring into space with no sense of the illumination around me, no aura of the books scattered beside me and no trance in the poetic voice of morrison. There i was sitting wondering WHY?
For a brief moment i snapped back to reality, but i had lost interest in whatever i was indulged in before the sensation of WHY. With a sigh of "oh DAMN screw it" I ended all that i was upto, turned off all possible sources of illumination in the room, allowed the music to continue with its own still pace and in the dull luminous sparkle off the street lamp pouring into my room through the panes, started wondering again WHY is it that the thought of "WHY" crossed my senses!!!
On further pondering, i came to realize that it was just the beginning of all the unanswered questions that i was to ask noone, but myself. It was me who had the answer all this, not for anyone but just to settle my own sense of uneasiness.
The first question to cross me about WHY was........hmmm.... WHY?? why in d world was i set on a journey to answer my own questions. Would it help me make a better person out of myself, would it make me a changed man, would it be an end to my frustrations, would it be the end to my absurdness n ridiculness, would it help me find ways to satisy my needs i longed for. I just never knew at the start of this strange journey of WHY.
Strange but not d least meaningful n unexplainable, unanswerable questions like " Why was i born to die"?, "Why me of all d potential life forms was I given a chance to make a mark on this planet?", "Why a human, not a stone or a plant? "Why am i not blind, deaf, dumb, handicapped"? "Why all these riches?", "Why this life?", "Why this fear?", Why a "STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN" n "HIGHWAY TO HELL"?", "Why an Angel n why a Satan"? "Why love n then hate?", "Why war n then peace?", "Why sin n then forgiveness?" "Why an addicition"?, "Why happiness n then sadness"?, "Why pain and agony"?
It was just questions upon questions n WHY's upon Why's.Believing I had supernatural powers, I slammed into a brick wall just to find out that it was very hard for me to answer all that. IT was just not done. So i gave a deeper thought at it. Looked at it with different perspectives, views, angles n directions. My brief moment of thought variation helped me get a sense of my current surroundings. It was dark as usual, glim light poring in, a few unread messages on my cell, n Robert Plant[ Led Zeppelin] singin " A new day will dawn for those who stand strong, and the forests will echo with laughter". A brief glimpse at my cell revealed it was half an hour past three and still stuck with those WHY questions with no possible answers to any of them.
It was like a bunch of WHY's with black hoods on them [ figuritive representation of satan] surronding me n yelling "Better change your ways, we come up on stranger days.".. Wierd but nonethless true!!!
Of all the questions, there was one particular question which i surpisingly managed to answer. The question being "Why Chaos?".... The anwer just seemed to tag along with the question itself which being "Chaos is the future, and beyond it is freedom". The joy that answer seem to bring upon me was a feeling known to myself and not expressed to anyone but me. A smile seemed to sweep across my face, one which I myself would have found it hard to see in the darkness.
Another question, rather easy to anwer being " Why so many humans?" was not answered by a perfect reply, instead a contradiction being "I predict the future of this earthly human race is that having made a mess of Earth they'll move to outer space". That sounded hilarious enough to manage a mute chuckle out of me.
Long before i could answer all the WHY's, without my consious i had silently slipped away infact SLEPT away into the subconsious state of mind.
The next thing i knew, i woke up with bright sunlight draining the sleep out of my eyes, the music still playin and this time Sir David Gilmore [Pink Floyd] singing the happy tunes of ONE SLIP. Another glimpse at my cell revealed a few more unread messages and the time it dispalyed. it was quarter past ten in the morning.
So there i was at 10.15 in the morning, lying awake on my bed tryin to recap the happenings of the night before or to be accurate a few hrs previous to then. It was like i had made a mockery out of myself trying to answer stupid questions but on the other hand it made me feel surprisingly happy knowing that i had spent some quality time with myself. Thinking it went a bit out of senses, i made a vow to myself " No more wierd questions, because i had no right to question the laws of nature, to be is what we are meant to be and not to be is out of our grasp, so live for the day".. Done thinking that i got off my bed but then i stopped. There was just one thought on my mind
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WHY?
